Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Fuck.
Oh fuck.
But then, I definitely deserve to walk the 'I fucked up my favourite class that mum and dad were super encouraging about' walk of shame.
Haa.
Ha.
Ha.
*sobs*
Two cans of V, one tomorrow morning to wake up, one to mix in my drink to take to school, I’m finishing this shit once and for all.
Fuck.
God, why do I DO this to myself?
Listening to my manic-depressive playlist on repeat~ it makes me happy.
Also, fuck.
Just… fuck.
Good god, BELLE.
WHY YOU RETARD?
Seriously.
Gah.
But I’m too tried to work on it right now (exhausted from gym~), so I'm going to wait it out until I can sneak some late night coffee to wake up. Will be working unil morning, at least the very early hours of it, anyway. :)
… even as I plan this it seems like a bad idea.
Word of advice to my school friends: tomorrow I am going to be volatile. And things I might happily tolerate usually might either aeem fucking fantastic to me, or worthy of a death threat. Be wary. I also might start off feeling great, but don't trust it. It'll last a few hours at best, then I may bite your heads off. I don't think you guy have seem me flip my lid yet. You don't want to. :)
Love you all.
Sorry for venting. I gotta get it out somewhere, or I would go berserk.
Belle.
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If it's your Japanese, I can help you if you want... No, LET ME HELP YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure I can tolerate you tomorrow. Or are you underestimating me? >.> :P
Your kindness is appreciated, love, but I’m utterly humiliated to the point that I don't even want to do the work, for I look at it and feel a ton of bicks drop in my heart.
DeleteYeah. Melodramatic, right? So letting someone else, let alone someone as intelligent as you or any of our other highly intelligent friends look at it, would make me wish that the world could suffocate me, swallow me up and drown me in dirt, da?
Hm, you'd probably be able to deal with me, but that's really because you're Mage, and probably wouldn’t be too offended by my potential ragings. ^^; But anyway, I urge you to try not to deal with me if I go into rage/killmenowplease mode. Because human interaction tends to… drive me mental when I’m in that mood. :D so rest assured, my words are purely selfish when I say I'm painful to be around. :D
Naw, it's alright. I'm not sure if it is the same feeling, but I feel this almost ALL the time: I KNOW I need to do the work, yet I DON'T, however I NEED to, my brain is TELLING me to do it, but what I'm ACTUALLY DOING is something else totally, and then I began mentally telling myself to just get on with it, how lazy and pathetic and bad I am, that I need to get to work; you're free, so WHY AREN'T YOU!?
Delete*sigh* Then I sunk into despair. :/ It makes me want to cry... it's like... I want to strangle myself. Everyone, even myself, reckons I should study ahead; but I'm not. However I want to, and it would certainly make me feel better, also because it is something I want to do. ...BUT EXACTLY WHY AREN'T I??
Alright. Okay. I know what you mean there. Then give me the ones you haven't touched upon yet, if there are any.
I will try to be kind, not like when Ruby and Emma asked me for help with maths. :P
You need more encourage to get you on track (errr... probably?).
My own mind isn't strong enough to order me around, so I'm going to disrespectfully guess that yours might be the same too. Now you will carry the weight upon your shoulders; think that I expect you to come to school tomorrow with your work done.
...err, am I being too cruel here? O.o *worries*
I would have liked to say this quite a while ago after reading a few of your posts (I stopped because it would ruin that atmosphere-chain between you and Sunlight-chan), but you and I are alike in many aspects.