Ever wonder...

Ever wonder what is okay to cry over? What is okay to share with friends and seek sympathy over?

Le me is le socially retarded. (also in a dangerously good mood) HAI GUISE.

No, seriously, guys, humans make me uncomfortable.

>____________________________________________________>

Pity there are over 2000 of them at this conference. -_- And pity that I look like a front girl. NO. THIS IS NOT GOOD.

But guise. I look fucking fabulous today. I shit you not. If these scientist fellows weren't turned on by smartness, they'd be poppin' boners all over the place.

... why did I write that.

I've been reading Americalovesthecockpit.
BLAME THE FANFICTION, GUISE.

I write this as I work. In a room with said scientists doing checking through their smart presentations and GOOD LAWD I NEED TO PUT AN OVER EIGHTEEN RESTRICTION ON THIS PAGE. :'D

Except then you guise would have to live without my highly intelligent (shit, only Mathais, from the University of Copenhagen, who's talking about those damn bacteriophages infecting the fish pathogen Flavobacterium psychrophilum, is allowed to pop a boner at my highly intelligent sexiness. Shut up. Denmark does this shit on the side. When he's not being a country. >_>) observations on the human condition.

That and my observations on how fucking good I look today.

I mean, my makeup isn't great - I was in a hurry and had to do it at work - but I am wearing the most sleek dress I have right now. Very proffessional, and I feel like an airhostess. But, you know, less like I'm everyone's bitch.

This dress makes my curves look splendid, if you didn't get that.
Also makes my boobs look not nonexistent. Which is a good thing. Because they pretty much are nonexistent. :D

Alright, guise, I'm going to update Chelle Nine's blog for the first time in literally forever.

I've been so goddamn exhausted, and I didn't have interwebs in Seoul. I'M SORRY GUISE. LET ME LOVE YOU WITH PICTURES AND UPDATES AND EVERYTHING THAT MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY AND LOVE ME.

I should post a picture of me in my dress. Except my face is fat, so it's just my sexy body that you guise need to look at. :3

Love ya'll~ I'm busy being a baws now to keep writing this bollocks.

If ya'll hadn't noticed, I'm in a good mood. Even though I'm talking to people and currently doing two jobs.  I don't know why, but writing this mood has put a goofy smile on my face.

Maybe because I keep complimenting myself like a regular whore. :D

GOOD GAWD. BELLE. STOP BEING A COMPLIMENTWHORE.

But seriously, guise, tell me I'm boss and legendary and amazing and fucking awesome. Also belle. Tell me I'm le belle. Because that means beautiful, in case ya'll didn't know. ASDFGHJKL.

... 'Y'all'... PFFT.

Sincerely,
Nyo-merica.

If ya'll Hetalia fans know what I mean.

*I know 'guise' is actually like a 'DISguise'. But I likes it. So I used it. Because I'm just that baws that lexical rules don't have meaning to me. Unless someone other than me does it. In which case I WILL GO GRAMMARFAG ON YOU, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. :<

P.S. LET ME LOVE YOU WITH CHELLE NINE. LET CHELLE NINE LOVE YOU.

Belle...
Wat r u riting this shit...
BELLE...
STAHP.

LOLNO. I don't stop writing this shit when I start.
HAHAHA. (Read: America obnoxious laugh)

Guise, I'm currently thinking about grade eleven.

I'm going to do, so far:
Maths B, OP English, Biology, Modern History, Ancient History, and now I'm stuck.

I DO see legal studies, though. On a scale of one to ten, how boring do you guise think that would be? I didn't know that we DID legal studies. Is that for lawyering and shiz like that? :/

In other words, I am fucking sick of my drama teacher not assisting in the group choices for drama work, and I fucking refuse to be in the same group over and over again. :< I mean the people are great, and they're lovely, and kind, and they're my friends, but I feel that in drama we have to be given the chance to expand our horizons, work with people we wouldn't normally, get given the chance to create something unique and beautiful. I can't do that if I'm with the same people every time. I truly feel as though my teacher is not doing the greatest of jobs, letting us choose our own groups every time.

Okay, Legal Studies it is.

Imma be a fother mucking lawyer, guise~

I made myself less happy.

I'll say this again: LET ME LOVE YOU WITH TRIP PICTURES AND SHIZ THAT I'LL UPLOAD TO FACEBOOK AND CHELLE NINE AND ALL THAT SHIZ~. LET ME LOVE YOU.

For some reason writing 'Let me love you.' puts me in a good mood. I guess I just love to love, you guise.

Alright, that was less Nyomerica-esque.

Okay, I'm gone. GONE. To, you know, write a shit load of blog entries. A SHIT LOAD. :>

I LOVE YOU GUISE.

Pasted from my Facebook page.

Sorry for posting this. Have I ever mentioned that I am an attention seeker? This trait is what I shall be displaying below:
~~~~~~~~~~~

What makes me sad isn't that I have no motivation, no determination and no drive.

What makes me sad is that I'm smart enough to see where it will get me: nowhere. I know exactly how this is going end up - but again, I don't have the motivation to change it.
--
What makes me angry isn't that I am going to live my life alone.
...

What makes me angry is that I actually think I deserve someone to hold me tight and whisper, 'It's okay, I love you anyway.'
--
I steer my own destiny, I make my own fate.
I just can't be fucked to take the wheel.
I'm driving headlong over the edge of a fucking bridge, and for some reason, it's not urgent enough for me to give a damn and do something about it.
--
Overly personal post is overly personal. And on Facebook. Whutiswrongwithmyhead.

I know exactly why I can't do anything about myself: I have no motivation. Still, I'm shocked that I've turned out like this. I'm not going to lie, I have great genetics. My parents are amazing, both my brothers are amazing. Then there's me.

Sorry to post this on facebook. I just have this fucked up need to have my words be read by someone. And yes, what it comes down to is that I want someone to understand. The fact of the matter is though: I live a blessed life. I don't want anyone to understand me, because then, someone who legitimately has a cry for help that NEEDS to be heard, might not be getting the listener that they need.

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Good god, why do I post this shit online?

I hope no one actually reads my bollocks. -_-

Hey lovies~

Been awhile. I'll make this short, because I've got things to do - thought I'd check in, ne?

Anywho, I'm sick, all congested and shiz of that sort. BLEGH. Went home from school sick, yadda yadda yadda...

So I'm packing right now for my epic Euro-Korean trip. (I have a blog for it -http://voyageur-rejsende-traveller.blogspot.com.au/ Follow it~)
I hate every single bra I own - hate them with a passion. They're comfortable enough, but they all fucking come up to my collar bone. I hate them. So utterly unnattractive, and they have these bulky seams all through them that look like I've got a plethora of nipples with thin tops.

Thing is though, I don't have great breasts, like not just size - but quality wise, they're not great. So I'm automatically a little uncomfortable about them because of that (I don't hate getting changed with girls because I have B cups - I hate my breasts for SO many reasons). But having these god-awful bras are just... too much. :(

I really just want a normal bra. A pretty one would be nice, but I really just want a bra that I can wear under tops that doesn't look completely ridiculous! Ugh. But if I mentioned it to mum, she'd be totally awkward about it. RAWR. AND I'M GOING TO EUROPE.

Uh. I would kill to go out this weekend with some girl friends and get a couple of nice bras to take.

Meh.

Cheerio~

Make someone’s day

Can't sleep. Dad is coughing… loudly. (I'm mildly concerned, but he always get's a cough around this time of year.)

Anywho, just thought I’d remind you all:

Take the tine out of your day to ask someone how they are and actually mean it, an if you see someone who seems upset, make sure they are okay. You never know. They might rarely recieve honest affection. You might just make their day. 

I know a friend on facebook does this for me often, and everytime, I feel like a princess. He even puts me on the verge of tears of relief. So take it from me, just do something little for someone (it doesn't matter who it is: friend of stranger) everyday. You're bound to make someone’s day.

Ragequit.

Oh wait, I remember, I’m a thoughtless bitch who does these things all the time and fucks everything up because of it.

//ragequits life

UKUS. UKUS EVERYWHERE.

No, seriously, I really, really, really prefer UKUS to USUK.

I mean, I love both, but given a choice, UKUS all the way. Though, I totally think they're swap often in a real relationship. :)

... IfoundaTumblrforUKUS. I am in heaven.
Except it's all very innapropriate, which is annoying because I avoid having anthing TOO shockingly erotic on my iPhone. (drunk Iggy poledancing is the worst I've got~)

Also, I'm getting some more Scotland. *droooooooool*

AND I SWEAR I'M GOING TO HUNT FOR COLONY AMERICA AND CANADA TODAY! I keep saying I will but I never do.

Blargh.

Ciao ciao, lovelies.

Always with you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4JI39vBGOM

I am so excited for this character song to come out. The Nordic Five SO deserve a character song. I squealed when heard about it. <3

To my friends

No, seriously, to all my friends, thankyou for putting up with me. You guys are all amazing, and I know I'll never be as good to you as you are to me. I'm just too thoughtless, careless and dysfunctional.

One thing in particular happened today that made me realise just how sorry for myself and pitiful I was behaving: I was on my way to maths, and a friend of mine who I usually greet with some perverted and innapropriate comment walked past me. I didn’t offer her my usual air-grope, just a meek, 'hey'. She returned the gesture, and kept walking… then called out to me and came up to me, and expressed her concern that I wasn’t okay, because I clearly wasn’t my normal self. I actually wanted to cry because she actually bothered to ask me if I was okay.

And then again, when I finally got my act together during lunch break, I sat down with my group, and started working on my essay. I know this might not seem like a good thing, but they didn’t try to involve me in their conversations, because they understood that I was very much focussed on my essay.

I love you guys. My friends are the best. <3

You are the reasons that I enjoy going to school — I want to seize every chance I have to be with you all. <3 I'm going to miss you guys when I go away until next term. Seriously. Especially those who won’t be there next year, and I know there are already potentially three offenders, all of whom I love.

I love you all. I truly do. Being around you makes me feel like I belong — I can’t help but smile when I see you guys! <3 So thankyou for tolerating me and all my moodiness.

I love you.

I'm not nearly as sorry as I should be. :)

ihavethefiftyshadesofgreytrilogyonmyipodnow.i'mneitherashamednorsorry.asdf

Random feels~

Has anyone else noticed how much I enjoy talking and writing my thought-train down? I am really quite opinionated. If I had my way, everyone would be honest, we would all have our feelings hurt bu others A LOT and we would learn to fucking toughen up and deal with it. That said, I would probably deal the worst with that situation. Wah~ I think The Invention of Lying might be my favourite movie. I just love the comment on religion that it makes. :'D I love you guys. Also, people that say, ‘you two should go out~ you'd be so cute together!' need to be shot. Like, lined up against a wall and shot the fuck down. … i scared her a bit by exclaiming my temporary frigidity. (<-- is probably using the word wrong.) Fun times. :') That said, teenage boys are sometimes great fun to be around, but GOOD GOD, I never intend on dating one. Give me 65 year old David Bowie any day! I sooner see myself daying a teenage girl than a teenager boy. Which is weird, because although I'd never be bothered with whatever gender the person it is that I fell in love with, I identify as straight. Weird. Boys don't do it for me. I like men. Preferebly with the ability to grow pubes and proper facial hair. :) (not that they have to have either… they just have to be ABLE to!) That said, I'm unnappealing, so it shouldn't be any trouble to keep them… children away from me. I DON'T WANT TO NOT EXPERIENCE HIGHSCHOOL, BUT I DON'T THINK I COULD BARE DATING A JUVENILE PRICK. -- Some of that probably doesn't make sense. I'm tired as fucl. ;)

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE TO SHIP PAIRINGS IN SHAKESPEAREAN PLAYS, BUT MERO (Mercutio/Romeo) ALL THE GODDAMN WAY! I seriously see their relationship being much realer than the relationship between R+J. Mer has clearly known Romeo a LOT longer, and I think it would make a beautiful, even more tragic a lovestory if told from Mer's perspective. Take this for example: Mer has known Romeo all his life and has developed very real feelings for his friends, but has his heart crushed time and time again when Romeo dates women and thoughtlessly casts his kindness aside as mateship. What if Mer was outwardly gay for Romeo, but made it out to be purely phsical and fun, all the while hding his true feelings for him? And then, say he discovered that Romeo married J just before he died, and THAT is why he curses the families. Juliet got the man he had always wanted in just a few days, and Romeo never took him seriously. How tragic would that be? I know most of that was my own creation, but i think it could potentially fit into an interpretation of the well-known play. Asdf. I like R + J much more now. I also think Romeo and his mates should be Anarchists. But, you know, just for show and to be all gang-like and intimidating, even though they are totally obedient to the Montague family. :'D Cheerio. Tootaloo~ BYE. I AM TIRED AND SHALL PARTAKE OF SLEEP AS OF NOW.

Ugh... Parents are home.

So, for those of you who know me, my parents go away regularly for work, particularly around this time of year. So, yes, they're often all around Australia, and I don't even keep tabs on what state they're in. It's too much to remember.

But good god, recently, I've been discovering how nice it is WITHOUT parents.
I cannot wait to move out of home. Without parents comes a new kind of freedom. I don't know how other people's families run, but in my family, we don't really talk about things. I hate to say it, but conversation is superficial, and that's how it works. When we talk about not-superficial things, it's a shock. And it's uncomfortable.

I know people who tell their mum everything, from what boy they like, troubles at school. No.
Just... no.
Sure, I'll tell mum about the minor troubles, but not the things that actually bother me.
Because for some reason, that's not the done thing.

In any case, when mum and dad are away, it's like BAM. I don't have to hide ANYTHING. I can be me. Through and through. It's extremely liberating. And boom, they're back. =_= damnit.

I love my family, but I just can't wait for the day that I have my own home, and can be me.
Finally.

Other than that, chemistry today. AKA: thatsubjectbelleshouldhavefailedbecauseshesucksatit.
Also, AKA: thatsubjectbelleforgottochangeoutofonFriday.
Also, AKA: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

Haa. I just wanna read some classy yaoi. I read one last night and it was AWFUL. Just... no plot. But that problem was, the author TRIED to give it plot, and failed. Miserably. It would have made a great long manga. Like, Skip! Beat length, but gah.

I NEADS MAI YAOI BEFOR AI GOE INSAIN.
ASDFGHJKL
Also I dun wanna go to school.

But, SCHOOL AHOY.
Wish me luck.

Guh.

At least I've got some super easy Franada to write.
So that'll keep my spirits up. :)

Chuckle

Good god, chuckling is sexy. I don't know why. The word is so UNsexy it's not funny, but when a character in a manga/anime/story chuckles, it's like, "PLEASE IMPREGNATE ME NOW."

Everytime a sexy man chuckles, a virgin is deflowered.

That is all.
~I'm full of short posts recently~
Belle.

EDIT:
Speaking of things that scream "PLEASE IMPREDGNATE ME NOW.", listening to 'Magic Dance' by David Bowie right now. At the beginning: GAH. MY BABIES. THEY NEED TO BE YOURS.
Jareth/Bowie: "You remind me of the babe~"
-"What babe?"
Jareth/Bowie: "The babe with the power~"
-"What power?"
Jareth/Bowie: "The power of voodoo~"
-"Who do?"
Jareth/Bowie: "You do~"
-"Do what?"
Jareth/Bowie: "Remind me of the babe~"

ASDF. His voice. His voice.
It is like sex.
There are no other ways to describe it.
asdfghjkl
*melts into a puddle of fangasm*

Akinator is boss

Akinator just guessed 2p!England.

HOW.

WHUT.

I DON'T EVEN.

I can't think of anything that I said that could POSSIBLY have suggested 2p!Iggy. HOW COOL IS THAT.

Deranged is a good word. I like 'deranged'.

‘Inanity’ playlist on my iPod… why do you always suit my mood? 1. Missed Me by Dresden Dolls 2. They’re Coming to Take me Away [don't known who sings it] and that's all on my list [I tell a lie, I have a bit of Emilie Autumn on there as well, but she should be a musical staple so i didn't feel the need to menion her superbness). And it’s perfect. All psyhologically deranged… Waaah~ Also, IT'S FRIDAY. JOY. SERIOUSLY. JOY TO THE GODDAMN WORLD, LIFE IS WORTH LIVING AGAIN. :P I love weekends. *officially in chill-mode* ILOVEYOUALL. Belle.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Fuck. Oh fuck. But then, I definitely deserve to walk the 'I fucked up my favourite class that mum and dad were super encouraging about' walk of shame. Haa. Ha. Ha. *sobs* Two cans of V, one tomorrow morning to wake up, one to mix in my drink to take to school, I’m finishing this shit once and for all. Fuck. God, why do I DO this to myself? Listening to my manic-depressive playlist on repeat~ it makes me happy. Also, fuck. Just… fuck. Good god, BELLE. WHY YOU RETARD? Seriously. Gah. But I’m too tried to work on it right now (exhausted from gym~), so I'm going to wait it out until I can sneak some late night coffee to wake up. Will be working unil morning, at least the very early hours of it, anyway. :) … even as I plan this it seems like a bad idea. Word of advice to my school friends: tomorrow I am going to be volatile. And things I might happily tolerate usually might either aeem fucking fantastic to me, or worthy of a death threat. Be wary. I also might start off feeling great, but don't trust it. It'll last a few hours at best, then I may bite your heads off. I don't think you guy have seem me flip my lid yet. You don't want to. :) Love you all. Sorry for venting. I gotta get it out somewhere, or I would go berserk. Belle.

Well, there's more positivity than negativity?

Ever been a confusing mess of utterly content and stress and shame filling your belly, clawing it's way into your heart? Haa~ me at this very moment. I am so utterly happy right now, because: 1. I am taking history as a class in school. We are studying WWII. Cue Hetalia fangasms. 2. A friend read one of my blog posts and told me that we actually have a lot in common. Which is awesome, because I really admire her as a person for what a hard worker she is, what a good friend she is, and how she’s not afraid to speak her mind and take control of a situation. 3. School really was pretty damn great... I have Hetalia — I mean, History with a Hetalia fangirl, sooo… 4. I’m reading an amazing fanfic (USUK). 5. My panda pillow pet ALMOST feels like a warm body beside me. Good god, I'm going to sleep so well when/if i ever have someone to hold me while I sleep. Reasons I am stressed: 1. Japanese homework. I've fucked it all. Fuck. I wish the floor would just swallow me. 2. I have not devised a way to freeze time. 3. There isn’t a warm body beside me, just holding me. Reminding me that I’m not alone. But misting the Japanese. Fuck. :D Alright. Night night.

Haaa~

*snortgiggle* these holidays have simultaneously been amazing and pointless.
I write all this emo shit, but don't worry guys~ still same ol' psychopath Belle. :D

This is pointless. I wrote down everything I could possibly write down in my diary already. GUH. And I still managed to say absolutely nothing in 2000 words or so. HOW WHAT IS THS I DON'T EVEN.

Penzu, guys~ It's diary website. Not a blog, it's all personal and with a password locked journal. I quite like it~

Stayed up all night.

Whut. Why. To write crackfiction of my Iggy and me, of course. Dear lord, I’VE FAILED AS A HUMAN. Writing crack fics… Why did i post this. It's 5:15am, that's why. Guh. I didn't even finish hetaOni. Wah.

…i'm a pussy.

Seriously. Nya~ HETAONI. TOO SCARY. I STILL HAVENT GOTTEN TO THE END OF WHERE 11.9 WAS UP TO. I’m too scared~ since that scene with the hand and Germany that first time in the tunnel… FUCK. I’ve been scared ever since. I dun wanna play without friends~ or maybe my big brother! He would be best. He’s the kinda guy it’s hard to be scared around. He’d be so good to play HetaOni with! Pity he lives two hours away. =_= Fuckin’ older siblings and their tendency to grow up and leave home. Waaaaaah~ why aren’t you guys with me right now! What, you say you’re fast asleep? You say you can’t wake your parents up in the middle of the night to make me less if a pussy? Well that's just rude! :P Seriously, though. I’ve pussied out. Off to read smutty AmeCan. What has my life come to. //shot Love you guys~ even if you aren’t cuddled around me, helping me… =_= But I HAVE to finish it before school! Otherwise my friends will spoil it! (i'm lookin' at you, Sunny-chan. =_=) Wah. Will continue tomorrow. When the sun is up. ... Maybe on the phone to someone, as well. Again, I'M LOOKIN AT YOU, SUNNY.

HetaOni... schlop.

WAH. I'm near 'two more seconds', which means an epic hard boss battle. Also I'm extremely unnerved and i feel slightly ill because I made Japan look in the hole beside the rope ladder and he got decapitated. DUDE, and the sound was SICKENING. Like a... schlop kind of noise. Gross. Also, I'm scared. Just generally scared out of my wits. 12:20AM and HetaOni do NOT go together. . . . Wish me luck. Belle. Might take a break from HetaOni to write some hetalia cracktastic fanfiction. Just to keep myself undercontrol and not pissing myself. :D

… why did he have a boner? :'(

I feel that you should all know that I am playing HetaOni. I just drank a terrible cup of instant coffee, and plan on pulling an all nighter. I am only up to the meeting with the Allies, and I’m already shitscared. GAH. GAH. I will piss myself when i get to that version 15 bits and i have no walkthrough! D: seriously, I'll be saving every ten seconds, hoping I don’t die. Also I've been roleplaying France in some fabulous conversations with Iggy on deviantart… OHONHONHON. I always knew Iggy liked ze handcuffs… Wish me luck with HetaOni. Pray I don't scream and wake the family up. I really am terrified, and I’m playing over stuff I’ve already played! D: Would kill for a boyfriend to cuddle up beside me and protect me from Steve… ALSO. I read a fanfiction. It mentioned tuggie's. It was a crack hetalia fiction. I was curious. I googled tuggie. I regret it. *sob* WHY DOES HE HAVE A BONER. MY EYES AND I ARE IN PHYSICAL PAIN. SWEET BABY MOSES, WHY. Don't make my mistake, boys and girls. Because it involved a prominent erection, a 'fuzzy sock that warms your cock' and leopard print. Thank god they didn't forget the balls, is all i can say. Still. WHY IS THIS REAL. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAV NICE THINGS, KIDS. THE TUGGIES ARE RUINING MY MIND. WHY DID HE HAVE A BONER. Flaccid, although still terrifying, i could deal with, ERRECT? No. Just no. The implications are just too much. IMAGE BURNED INTO RETINAS. Alright, off to give Steve an arse-whooping. Sincerely, …why did he have a boner?

Good god I hate when my parents don't pick up their phones.

Especially when they call me, I miss their call by about two seconds, and then call back repetitively and they don't answer. Seriously. In that two seconds do they just give up?

France answered my question on Tumblr. @A@

"I am afraid there are no secrets to share about my hair~ It’s been like this ever since I can remember!
You may run your hands through it, if you’d like. There’s a little bit of Big Brother for everyone!" - ask-aph-France (http://ask-aph-france.tumblr.com/)

... I'm a more than a little honoured that Francey Pants answered my question. @A@ *can die happy* *strokes Francis's hair obsessively and proceeds to rub face in it*

So tempted to follow that question up with 'What if I told you it's not your head hair I'm intereted in...? ;)' BUT I SHALL RESIST. I SHAN'T BE A SCARY ANON. :D

*happy dances excess fat off and takes first flight to France*

Good gracious god.

I feel so yuck.
I think it's practically a symptom of 'Aunt Irma'. I get depressed, eat pastaaaaa, pies, and other unhealthy, savoury shit, realise that I have no appetite, feel disgusting, sleepy and then try to eat something else to make myself feel better.

I'm starting to realise that food is a purely emotional thing for me. Feel crap? Comfort eat. Feel guilty about eating? Comfort eat.

I IS DEE MAKINGS OF FAT PERSON.
~can't wait until highschool is over and I'm out of home - I very much intend on not having unhealthy food in the house, and being too lazy to go out and get it. Sort of hard to get fat on lettuce and cabbage. In the house I'm currently in? It's equipped to feed two young men, an englishwoman, and two middle aged fitness freaks - ALL THOSE CARBS AND PROTEINS. Not exactly the perfect environment for an emotionally wound up comfort-eater who is too lazy to excersize~

-_-

I am going to be properly obese by the end of highschool. And then, when I am, and I realise this fact, I'll probably get a few cats and wallow in a pit.

YAY.  OTL

Good god, why do I have friends? Seriously, why do you guys tolerate me? Just promise me that none of you will attempt to save me from myself when I do go wallow, kay? Not that I'm not already wallowing.

~wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww~

TO THE WALLOWMOBILE.
The word 'wallow' has now lost all meaning for me. I've said it too many times. It doesn't even sound like english. Waaaalllllooooowwwww.....

Sounds more like a 'well' and 'hello'. Except with an 'a'. =_=

I need to go find a songfic of Roderich/Austria and 'Pianoman'. Seriously. If this hasn't been done, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE.

OH HEY! I just realised something odd about myself! Ever since I was little I've had a fear of being alone all my life - and yet, I really enjoy solitude. Huh.

~what if I'm a snowstorm burning, what if I'm a world unturning - what if I'm a siren, singing gentlemen to sleep...~ - What If by Emilie Autumn... the hipocracy of my previous statement made me think of it.

uiuiaryteuaryhgiuasgh eurygpuiayreg iurjghaiscukjfhuirekjfdhvbnjuarytuyWPRIUSFYDHVRUIEYTFHKSDF. I like the sound of keys being pressed. And of pencil/pen on paper. And of chalk on a board. So nice...

That got weird again. I feel like I should be sitting in a dark, small apartment in the middle of a city, with my current state of mind... *eye twitches* I'd say it was the four days of no human contact, but we all know that I've always been like this.... MUST. SEARCH. FOR. 2P!IGGY. FANFICTION. NAO. Oh, Oliver, you're such a psychopath~ <3

Best verbal blunder...

I tried to say 'educational'.
But it didn't work.
EDUCAKENAL.

<3 What, is it, like, a cake with a picture of USUK yaoi in the icing...?

Fem!Hetalia character songs!

Well, they're just fandubs, but they are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Seriously. I usually hate all fandubs with a passion.

This lady can seriously sing! Check them out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TYYcTYfCUw&feature=bf_prev&list=PLB91253B423DA754C

Times like these....

Often I think that the world would be a better place if I didn't exist, but times like these, with a puppy nestled nicely in my lap, fast asleep, twitching slightly as she dreams, I think that maybe, just for now, I'm doing something good.

God, I'm just so gooey sometimes! MY HEART IS THAT GOOP MADE OUT OF CORNFLOWER. Try to cutch it, it freezes up... lure it in with cute puppies, it's practically liquid. That was a bad comparison.
-_-

POST OVER. But I'm going to continue ranting anyway. :)

--
On the topic of me thinking it would be better if I didn't exist, please don't assume that's synonymous with wanting to kill myself. It's truly not - 1. I'm shitscared of death. Like any selfrespecting person would be. Not shitscared of dying FOR someone, but shitscared of dying an undignified death. :) 2. I've been given this life, I probably shouldn't toss it away. 3. It would hurt those who do know me. SEE. I LOOK OUT FOR YOU BETCHEZ.

It's more, I don't trust myself to make the right decisions in life, and I think I'm bound to do more harm than good. Choice is a scary thing. Huh. One little thing can spiral out of control and effect many people...

Anywho, bai-bai, loves! Reading an adorable Spamano family fic... except Romano is the father. Confused? READ THEN. READ: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7711724/1/Midnight_Dancers

GAH. ANTONIO MAKES SUCH A CUTE BUBBA.

Seriously, ciao ciao!
Belle~<3

Depressed!Belle again. I don't mean to depress others, I just like getting my thoughts down. :)

"I went down to the woods today to see what I could see - I saw a deer, and she told me that she was free." - lyrics to some song, the name of which has left me.

Just, I think it's peculiar that such simple lyrics, such simple words, can evoke such an image.
An image I'm very much missing in my writing.

Fuck.

Whatever words that I do come up with, they seem empty. Lacking in something, something that I can't put my finger on - partially experience, I think, but definitely something more as well, something that I've a sneaking suspicion is skill. -__- practice makes perfect?

Bullshit.

I write at least an hour a day, everyday.

And I'm still very much lacking in any rhythm, flow, beauty and... I don't know... art, I suppose. It just looks like words on a page - no matter how I tweak the font, change my style, it just looks like words on a page.

-and I thought I was on a roll yesterday. Turns out I'd only written about 4000 words. OTL

Alright, well I'm going to drink tea out of a tea pot and scribble on my arms for a bit with permanent marker.
Cheerio, loves!
<3

As an Hetalia fangirl...

I feel I should somehow celebrate the 4th of July, Independence Day.

Even though I don't live in the USA.
And I'm not American.

I just think us fangirls should do something nice for our favourite hero's birthday, ne? As I shan't be able to eat a burger (nothing to make one in the house, can't go out for I have no form of transport), would someone do so for me, in celebration of Alfred's b'day?

I might actually mourn with Iggy on the 4th of July. I don't have any hamburgers available, but I do have piles and piles of tea bags. That settles it, then. I'll not celebrate Alfie's birthday (though I shall next year). I'll instead console poor Arthur. <3 

~feels terrible that she missed Canada's birthday... it was like a fanfiction... I remembered it on the day, briefly, and was like, 'YEAH. I'll do something for... who?' and I never ended up doing anything. I LOVE YOU MON MATHIEU. I would come to your igloo party if you invited me. :)

Also, I'm torn, for the title of this post, as for whether it  should be 'an Hetalia' or 'a Hetalia'. See, I don't like 'h's. So breathy. If I was saying that, I'd probably say, 'an 'etalia', or at least down play the 'h' majorly and keep the 'an'. We should go French and not do them, oui?

Also, my canada shimeji threw one of my internet explorer windows off screen and I can't get it back. This displeases me. But I also find it incredibly adorable. I may need to glomp the screen. Brace yourself.

Alright. Room cleaning aint happening. I gave the kitchen a once over, GOOD A FUCKIN'UFF. Time for sleepies. Or, at least, cuddling up in bed without my computer, listening to Missed Me by the Dresden Dolls.

Belle's next recommendation for you guys: LISTEN TO THAT SONG.
Youtube 'Missed Me by Dresden Dolls'. Your mind will be blown by it's striking beauty, and the singers raw emotion.  Truly a beautiful song. <3 I wish I had her voice, and their way with words!

Love love,
I really need to stop posting on this blog. >____<
I promise this will be the last one of the night. Morning. Whatever the fuck day it is. I mean time. Day. Fuck.
It's 2:10 in the morning. My incoherence is to be expected, non?
Goodnight.
*___________________*

Wait. One last thing. That I feel I am compelled to say because I just yawned.... I was reading a fanfiction, On the Bound, and it had Greece in it. Everytime I read any of his dialogue, I found myself yawning. Then laughing at how uttterly apropriate it was. Just thinking about him now is making me yawn... but that might just the hours and hours and hours that I've been awake for. *yawns a jaw-popping yawn* nah~ can't be.
------------------------------------------

also feel free to un-join this blog, guys. I'm not gonna start posting any more logical stuff, it's all going to be purely selfish - just so ya know. :)

Cutie Shimejis~

My Prussia and Canada Shimeji's are in synch, sitting side by side, looking like they're holding hands while (well, normally he's smirking) Prussia drinks himself stupid next to a maple obsessed Mattie! (don't worry, Matt's been drinking too. ;D) Now to hope that they get in the 'looks like buttsecks' position.

FUCK.

GILBERT.
YOU GET BACK TO YOUR MATTIE RIGHT THIS INSTANT. He's gone to climb up the side of my screen. Fuckin' Prussian. And he's smirking like that... and Canada is still grinning so stupidly, clearly not having noticed the absence of his date. BAD GIL. NO WURST FOR YOU. OR BEER. NO BEER. Also you'll get the 'wurst' lashing of your life. 'Wurst'. Kesesesese, I made a pun. In the words of americalovesthecockpit, 'I'm so punny.' That line always made me giggle. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~get's even more nonsensical and not proofread after this point~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~in relationship to me shipping my Prussia and Canada shimejis~ I ship Franada, but I'm not adverse to PruCan, they're very sweet. Though, mostly I just see them as very good friends. Aha, writing a fic right now, and Gilbert is Mattie's therapist... can you imagine Gil as a therapist (I just giggled. Therapist. The-rapist. Bad touch trio. Really, it should be France being his therapist!)? Well, it's fucking awesome, and totally not professional (he gives Mattie a slide show of guys and girls alike he could hook him up with, incidentally Matt really only takes notice of a certain blond man with cerulean eyes...). :D And he made Mattie forget all about the fact that he accidentally almost commited suicide (accidentally, for he got a little carried away self harming his thigh... big blood vessels are there, people! He didn't mean to wind up in hospital! I promise! He selfharms in this fic. He doesn't selfkill. That would suck. That would mean there would be no fic.).

Oh goodness, I'm getting too into this story~ And I've been planning out basic background stories of other ships as well - like the PruAusHun (yeah, Prussia is Canada's therapist, but this fic will eventually be Franada. Prussia is the reason Canada meets France), the Spamano, GerIta and UKUS~ 

PruAusHun started with Roderich and Elizaveta going to Gil for some relationship counselling, and uh... somehow it went from that to, in Elizaveta's words, 'fucking them both up against the wall'. Uh. Well. Awks. And now they're in a happy three way relationship. And it's apparently Liz's turn to be blindfolded, so I'm guessing they have a lively sex life as well...

With Spamano, Antonio is a nurse at the local hospital (in Montreal... these stories are going to take place in Montreal... bare with me, it's the only Canadian city I've been to other than Quebec, and Quebec was a little too French for all the other characters to be there... in  Franada-only world? SURE! But not with all the other pairings. :) But I digress.), and Lovino is a new doctor there. Toni is sort of buddied with him to show him the ropes, and even after Lovino get's his footing in the hospital, the annoying nurse won't leave him alone! Cue romance here. :P

GerIta? Uh, haven't actually thought about that one. I think I need to know more about Spamano and stuff first - they haven't been mentioned in the story so far.

UKUS... heehee... Belle's teacher fetish rears it's ugly head again... Also, yes, UKUS. In that order. Although Iggy makes an adorable uke, his delinquent, pirate pride is too cool to be on the recieving end of things. Anyway, yeah, at Hetalia Ophanage and Boarding School, Mr. Kirkland is a new teacher, and takes Alfreds (and Matthews) last year english class... he's cold, mean and aloof. But Alfred sees him doing something incriminating (I've yet to decide what...) and somehow shit grows from there. Again, cue romance here.

Maybe not that planned out, but it helps a little with any interactions of those characters. :D

ALSO.
I need to go to hell.
Just read a 1P!Canada x 1P!France x 2P!Canada fic. It was amazing. And no, I'm not linking you because it was a little disturbing. Bad enough that I've linked innocent minds to stories from americalovesthecockpit. >______________>
Back to this Canada x France x Canada story. It was actually rather sweet. 2P!Can, who is cold and cranky, was jealous that his counterpart has the love of 1P!France, and he get's very lonely - you see 2P!France is a dick, and beat 2P!Can when he was a kid, and still does on occasion, so seeing their 1P counterparts, he feels quite sorry for himself...
And Canada realises this. Believe it or not, but it's Canada, sweet, vanilla Canada who convinces France to make a frog sandwich out of two maple leaves... if you get my clever innuendo there... >D (it didn't take France much convincing - he'd get two Canadas! France heaven, ne?) And anyway, after the deed 2P!Can gets up to leave 1P!Can and 1P!France, but they both stop him, and make him stay around for the cuddles, 'You had sex with us, you get to snuggle with us,' or something to that same effect. How sweet? God, I'm screwed in the head. I'm loving 3way relationships right now. Especially CanCanFrance.

I need to find more 2Ptalia fanfictions. <3

Also, have you guys checked out 2P!Canada? YOU SHOULD! He. Is. A. BEAST. A hardcore, sexy, uniform clad BEAST.

Also, youtube 'Iggyrolled'. Scratch that - I'll link you, because I'm feeling bad for not linking you to the sexy Frananadada (<-- see what I did there? Non? :| ).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq_Mkx55iH8 <-- prepare to be Iggy rolled.
*
**
***
****
*****
******
Oh? You watched it?
Oh, no, don't thank me for making your life that much more amazing. All in a days work/surfing youtube/not cleaning room or eating healthy like I promised myself I would/reading kinkeh fanfiction/surfing tumblr. But mostly thanks to surfing youtube. Seeing as it's a youtube vid and all.

But yes. Patch of Air, yes, you, the one on the kitchen table, would you kindly transform into stripper!Iggy? My life would be greatly improved if you did. Also, I wouldn't mind if he was a little drunk. Drunk Iggy blush is just about the cutest thing I can think of.

Canada. You just sat in front of where I'm typing. -__- god, you're annoying. But oh so cute. I love shimeji's too much... -_-;

Also uke!France. http://askukefrancis.tumblr.com/ I love him a lot too.

Love always~
Belle. <-- I named a street in my fanfic that... I can't decide whether it's my way of sneaking into the fic, or if I was at a loss for what would seem like a potential French name for a street, and resorted to 'beautiful' - aka, belle.

Belle means beautiful in French, right? With that spelling? Correct me if I'm wrong, I'd actually rather it be something like 'bel' not 'belle', because it is a little creepy writing your own name down. I don't know how my friend does it! She's named her character after her! Her most used character! I have issues naming characters after someone I vaguely know - I had issues with France being called Francis, as my old maths teacher is called Francis, and he's France's complete opposite. Also maths teacher Francis is british. So that basically settles it.

Crap I was going to clean my room tonight (stay up until dawn)... now I'm so tired... It snuck up on me! But I gotta do it tonight. Unfortunately, my brother and his fiance are dropping in tomorrow, which ruins my four days of solitude, or 'splendid isolation'. See what I did there, APH fans? First I gotta get off the computer, though, and skull a can of V... which I don't want to do.V is nice, but sleep wins out. Maybe I could just cart out all my dirty/unsure/don't care enough to check clothes to the laundry and go to bed... Whee~ but GUH. I scared myself earlier, so I'm a little paranoid, so I think I might just go to bed. I get extra hyped and paranoid when I've skulled energy drink, so maybe... oh, I'll just do it in the morning.

Holy jeezus! If all that random bullcrap is what happens when I write when I'm NOT drunk, I REALLY REALLY should never write while inebriated!

Seriously, goodbye now. :D

\\@A@// my shimeji's finally stood in a fashion that looks suspiciously like buttfuntimes. :) Life is good. :D







 

I'VE GOT IT!

Seriously guys, big news... I SHIP A HETERO PAIRING IN HETALIA.

Well, sort of.

I mean, I was totally stuck with Prussia, Austria and Hungary. I mean, Austria and Hungary seemed too easy. Too calm. And Hungary and Prussia  seemed to volatile. And Prussia would have had his ass kicked by Hungary if he and Austria dated.

So... problem solved. PruHunAus. All happy. All together. All perpetually pissed off by Gilbert, all terrified of Hungary and her frying pan, all intent on irritating Austria into showing some emotion on his face. All utterly in love.

Seriously, I mean, I personally think that if the heart can have one, why not two? And these three are made for each other.

My day has had a purpose. :|

I now ship this pairi... uh, tri-pairing SO HARD. Why did I not think of it before? I was inspired by the amazing fic, 'On the Bound', found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5232394/1/On_The_Bound
It's a Franada fic mostly, but it also strongly ships USUK, China x Japan, GerIta, Spamano, AusHun, with some deliciously confusing PruAus. <3

Seriously, read this fic. You will simultaneously have your mind blown, and a day wasted - it's not short. But I'm a hell slow reader, so you guys'll probably smash through 120,000 words in no time. :)

GAH! TUMBLR. Y U LEAD ME TO SO MANY AMAZING FRANADA FICS.

Emotional bullshit. Pfft, run while you still can!

Huh. Incidentally, I have a folder full of word documents called, "Emotional bullshit". Such a fitting name. I tend to refer all things refered to as emotions or relating to emotions as bullshit. Not out loud, obviously, but on paper.

But seriously, I'm going all emotional right now, and I can't be verily fucked to say this elsewhere. I'm avoiding my email - sorry if you've emailed me, I've just got an extremely pressing email from a dear friend that I'm avoiding because fuck it, everytime I talk to her, I just feel so fucking guilty - which means I'm not telling the one person I probably should/shouldn't about this emotional bullshit I'm about to shoulder into cyberspace. Hah. So I'm posting it up here, for the entire goddamn world to see, and all my friends to read. -though parts of me, warring parts of me, sincerely hope that someone takes the time to read this, while other parts are hoping that my dear friends never read this and some random reads it, preferebly from another country, and strikes up a conversation with me.

For you see, my dears:

I am lonely.

Oh, yes, me. So very, very lonely, and not about it just being me and the dog for a few days soaking in the serenity. It's not that kind of loneliness. I relish in solitude. Especially right now. Then again, the sort of loneliness I think people feel at being on their own temporarily is more a fear rather than loneliness... but then I suppose what I'm feeling is a sort of fear as well?


Huh. I'm not making much sense. Pfft, can you blame me? Yesterday I had a very indepth conversation with a patch of air about my mental state with a cup of strong lemon and ginger tea. It was so strong that I used my fingers to drink it, dipping them in the cup and sucking on them to catch the drips. Oh yes, you wish I was kidding. I perfectly fit the image of a tortured artist, yet I have next to no talent, and nothing to be tortured over.


Patch of Air and I discussed much, but I kept reiterating the fact that I didn't expect anyone to respond, and that due to this fact, I had not lost my mind. Hah. Does hoping count as expecting, I wonder?


Oh, there I go again. Glancing at that patch of air. I like to call him (yes, I think if there were to be someone there, it would be a him) the Man in the Tree. But mostly just 'you'. Man in the Tree, you ask? When I go walking, I fancy that there is someone, a wise man, about mid thirties in age with a light stubble and a cheeky grin, watching down on me from the treetops. Though, in my story, the Man in the Tree only looked down once it was too late... Ah, in anycase, if there was anyone I'd want to talk to, discuss nothings with, it would be the Man in the Tree. Therefore he has become my name for the Patch of Air.


Oh! But don't fret - I don't actually see anyone there. Never have, never will. I'm not that crazy. Just lonely. Of course, there is another face that I'd fancy would materialise. This one stemms from not just my loneliness, but my utter... need to be held as well. It's pitiful! So, of course, this person is younger, and is someone I just... fit with. You know? The sort of person with whom words don't need to be spoken.


Again, warring sides of me on the matter of love. I mean, on one side of it, I want nothing more in life to be enfolded in someones arms, someone who loves every inch of me for me... but I'm fucking terrified of it. More that what I'm sure is normal. I think I could be head over heels for a guy, and if they asked me out, I would say no because I'm fucking terrified of being ruled even moreso by... feelings. Wah. The story would definitely be different if it was some kind of supernatual being that could put meaning in my life, though... bring me a little adventure... And by supernatural, I mean the personification of a nation. Preferebly France. Or Italy. Though, Poland would be so much fun! Ah, or maybe Germany~


Again, mein liebling, I'm not actually seeing anything, nor do I expect any of this to actually happen... though, a Francis Bonnefoy to materialise in my kitchen to help me make dinner would be bloody fantastic...


Aha. My, my, my, did you actually read that? Really now, darlings, are you that interested in the lunacy of my mind?


Anywho, time to drink tea via osmosis again. :)


Lonely Belle.
Who is not actually insane.
But is pretty damn close.
YOLO.


P.S. I think I found some cute black heeled boots that it looked like mum as going to throw away... that would work perfectly with an outfit I've been scheming. Win? Very much so.


Alright, now I'm really leaving. Creepy thumping noise is being heard faintly, just in earshot. Though, that could just be the song... fuck me and my creepy weird taste in music! Since when does Nox Arcana make a good 'home alone at night' companion?


P.P.S. Maybe I'm not really leaving. Gah. I'm avoiding thinking about dinner. Maybe I'll just a pile of veggies and shove a pie in the microwave. Oh, but I want to make soup! I even got vegetable stock and everything! Not that I know what to do with it... -_- Considering just drinking it straight from the carton. It smells nice enough. -_-


P.P.P.S. IT'S TIME FOR TEA. <--- fuck why did I write that? Never sleeping now. (Emilie Autumn, now all I can think of is cannibalism when I think of that sentence!) *googles pictures of 2P England at mention of tea and blood*


P.P.P.P.S If you haven't seen Beek's version of 2P England, YOU NEED TO. NOW. FUCK. HE IS A LEGEND. Though, I'm more taken with 2P Canada... damnit, he's hot. >////< *currently writing selfcest of 1P Canada and 2P Canada - hey, you gotta love yourself to be loved! ;)*

Shit Hetalia Fans Say

My god. Never before have I found the notion of world maps, history and international sports to be so... sexy! I mean, seriously!

Goodness me~

Oh, hey blogger. Haven't seen you in a while.
What's happening on the world wide web? Haha, I wouldn't know - most of it happens it happens on Facebook, and I haven't been there for quite a long time...

OH GOD. WATCHING FINLAND AND SWEDEN SCENES OF HETALIA. <3 Sorry, random interjection. I LOVE YOU SWEDEN AND FINLAND. Finland, you delicate flower, you~ <3 ''Colm' down Finny, we'll be fine... <3 <3 Don't wet yourself Finny, get it together...''

Okay, I'm done. :)

Anywho, I now have an iPhone, and I'm in a little piece of heaven, because my best friend who lives halfway across the country and I can text each other for free~ <3

Alright, my brain isn't in order today, mostly because I keep reading Sweden Finland fanfics, so I'm a mess of fangirl jelly, but anywho... forgive my lack of sense. ^^;

So yes, school holidays have begun (woohoo~) and yeah... I'm going to write hetalia fanfics... hopefully multiple ones... including one PWP of Prussia and Canada (though my Canada OTP is Franada). God, I'm not making sense.

Oh well, if you can make sense of any of that, congratulations~
I promise, I'll post something more sensical in the future!

<3

THIS BLOG.

http://livinginpsychosrockbed.blogspot.com.au/

It is brilliancy x 9001.

YOU HEARD ME.

The perfect girl…

Ever meet a perfect girl? Guys like to think that they don't actually exist (much like girls like to think perfect guys don't exist... I've never met a perfect guy...), but they seriously do. A perfect girl is the type of girl you just wish was a bitch to balance out the perfect, but you absolutely can't even remotely dislike her, because she's too goddamned fair and nice, and determined. However, getting on her bad side would be like commiting suicide, I reckon.

I go to school with this girl. She is beautiful, amazing, and knows it JUST the right amount not to be annoyingly modest. She's perfectly perfect in everyway. And I'm not even jealous — how could one taint such a perfect cheery girl with jealousy?

Seriously, she's one of the apples at the top of the tallest tree at the top of the tallest mountain. But any man would climb mount Everest a thousand times over to have a chance with her.

They exist, guys. Now why can't you prove that perfect men exist too?

Cheerio.

So uhhh...

*Squeak* *Snort* *Giggle* Say whaaaa~~?

My playlist for the day…

Somebody to Love - Big Bang
Wedding Dress - Taeyang
Haru Haru - Big Bang
I Love You - Okaiyu Ryoutaro

God I hate being perpetually single. :)

Had one of those good days. :)

I really like my new school.

Today was a good day - moved up into Maths B! :D So now I'm actually having to think a little (as opposed to maths A... where they were doing grade five/six maths...), and it's great.

Anyway, excuse my emoing - we all need a little emo every now and then! But I'm in a fabulous mood. Maybe cuz 'Aunt Irma' left. :D (if you don't know what 'Aunt Irma' is, WATCH THE 'I.T. CROWD' NOW. NOW I TELL YOU.

This is you rat-queen,
Signing off.

WELL! The exciting news...

... that is unlikely to be exciting for anyone else. :D

I'm changing schools! Heehee, I'm very, very excited.
The state school I'm moving to (I went to a steiner high school with all of ten students in my entire grade...) has a really nice feel to it, I just had my interviw today! The Deputy Principle seems nice enough (not the same as my steiner teachers, all of whom I was on hugging basis with, not to mention it was the normal to call them by their first names!) and it's not going to be all that scary, since I have a few lovely friends there!

But it was really sad saying goodbye to my old school. My principle had clearly been crying (I really hope it wasn't about me... but I have a bad feeling it was - probably mostly about the bad luck the school is having with students moving to other schools due to simply lack of students. For me it was that, and the lack of electives), but my guardian (yeah, we have those at steiner) who was sort of like my homeroom teacher/guidance councilor(sp?)/second mother, was really supportive about it all, considering her SON goes to that state school... I got a little teary, though. I mean, I've been at this school for seven years, and in the past two years of highschool, I've had the most wonderful teachers who really feel like they legitimately care about their students <3.

But despite that, I'm really happy to be going to this school. It's going to be so much fun, and there are people there that share my interests (maybe not my Bowie fetish... but certainly my obsession with anime and manga!) which is much more than can be said for my old school. The only people that read manga are, like, a few boys in grade seven. -_-

Sorry for the messy post. Dad and I had a bit of an argument, and it's got my head all jumbled. We're both highly strung, and the tiniest thing can be blown WAY out of proportion. And, unfortunately, I get over things within the hour... he doesn't, and get's even more pissed off when I'm all cheery. Which I totally understand, by the way, why he's annoyed when I'm all happy... but HONESTLY! Cheer up! And let's face it, when entering a 15 year old girl's room, YOU FUCKING KNOCK. Why is it that mum, who I don't particularly mind barging in, get's it, and dad, who I am very much prepared to throw books at when he just picks the lock and waltzes in. DUDE. DA FUCK? I mean, mum doesn't pick the lock unless I'm way too lazy to get out of bed and I ask her too. Dad? "Oh hai Belle, I'm just gonna pick the lock on your door without even announcing my arrival - even though that's a clear indication you're probably upset, usually with me, and probably crying. But I don't give a fuck. Because I'm your dad and your privacy is nonexistent. :D" Okay, so maybe he never said that, but he certainly does just that! He doesn't even say, "I'm coming in!"

Okay, so, I love my dad. Dearly. He's my DAD! Most of what he does and says is actually for my benefit. He just ALWAYS says it in a way that makes me get really upset. He just... hasn't got used to having a teenage daughter, I guess? Something like that? Argh. I complain, but I really do have a good life and I'm extremely thankful every day to have such loving parents.

I just wish he'd knock.

Again, sorry for crazy post. My head is aching. I think I need to cry. Crying usually either helps or makes it worse... I'm hoping better. :) But seriously, people worry when people cry, which sure, that's great, but I think it's best just to... you know, let them cry, unless they indicate they need comfort. I love to just cry. It feels absolutely fabulous to just let all that messy turmoil in your head go. :D

This is your captain,
Signing out.

One of my weirder habits of language...

Yeahno. Noyeah. You read that right.


For some unfathomable (say that ten times fast....) I seem to say yeahno and noyeah. Half the time ever I can't work out which is which and what is what.

By laws of mathematics both 'yeahno' and 'noyeah' should both equal a negative, yes?

Negative multiplied by a positive equals a negative, and vice versa.

So therefore both 'yeahno' and 'noyeah' must mean 'FUCK NO'. Alright. I can work with that.

However:
Following this rule, yeahyeah and nono BOTH mean 'FUCKING YES.' And noyeah, the swearing is entirely necessary.

So, maths must all be total BS as no means no, or any pride I have as a woman just got hacked to pieces with a rusty spork.

Which leaves us back at the beginning. What the hell does noyeah and yeahno mean? I mean, I think I coined the terms, and I myself have no frigging idea... and yet, I say it with such… certainty.

Anyway, now that I've messed with your head, I bid you adieu. :)

Cheerio!

Secrets are made to be told, right?

Blogger. They've invented another way for me to waste my life - le gasp! - as if mangafox, youtube, facebook and David Bowie's crotch weren't enough! I mean. Um. Scratch that last one?

Anyway, hello world!

One day, swear, I shall have more to say. YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL FRIDAY! Much excitement is going down on then.

Well sort of exciting. A certain red haired gorgeous girl I've known since 3rd grade will probably be quite excited with me. Eeek! I keep squealing at the thought! I'm so. so. so. so. SO fucking excited. Like, this is a huge deal for me. For every other person on the planet, it might seem like nothing, but I've been playing with this idea for months (even years!) but never doing anything about it... and BOOM! Wham bam BOOM! Bamity BOOM BOOM! BOOM balloon! One morning, mum's like, "Oh hey, Belle, you wanted to do this, right? Well your father just called them and you're all go. So, yeah. You still want to do it?" "FUCKING YES." BOOM. Okay, you get the picture, it's all very exciting, but nobody can know until I find out if it's definitely happening. Except, you know, a girl in Melbourne and a girl who's parents own the best Thai restaurant in town. But whatever. Secrets were made to be told, right? But if THEY tell, they who have been sworn to secrecy, that's not cool. Because double standards make the world go 'round. :D

This is Beru-oneechan
Signing out~!